Do something.

Keep taking risks. Julia Cameron says in Walking in the World that avoiding depression is easier than pulling yourself out of it. I, along with anyone else who has successfully emerged from that dark place, agree. She advises the best way to keep your spirits up and away from depression is to continually take risks. Do things outside your box. Make mistakes and keep learning and moving forward. Do things you don’t know how to do. It’s the only way to learn how to do something and build your courage and self-worth!

See more progress on: Improve my self-esteem

Progress

I made tremendous progress on this the other day when I had an epiphany. I’ve been so anxious to get rid of all my pain from the past and push away all my old belief systems and patterns of thinking, etc. I thought I was doing everything correctly including Louise Hay’s suggestion of living with the affirmation, “I am willing to change.”

However, I realized in order to fully release the past (and not just the parts I really abhor), I must first be honest with myself about the past. I must first take full responsibility. Instead of doing things like blaming my OCD tendencies on my mother, for example. So this is my new goal.

1. Be completely honest with myself.
2. Take absolute responsibility for my life.
3. Be willing to change. Be willing to release the past.

Then I have a feeling it will fall away on its own and I’ll relax into the lightness of being.

See more progress on: release the past

my friends

I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE my friends. I am so thankful for them. They remind me of my place in the world and make everything feel OK.

See more progress on: be grateful

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I’m going to get copies of the Centrepointe holosync meditation CDs from a friend and try that out every day for a month.

See more progress on: meditate daily

A story about Prince

The absolute best show I’ve ever seen was Prince’s show in Vegas last year. I was not even really a Prince fan but my friends bought me a ticket to go with them while we were in town. I spent most of the show in delicious tears, I was so blown away by his talent and perfection. He is not afraid to let his light shine. As a multi-instrumentalist myself, I was overcome by how he effortlessly ripped on every instrument he picked up. One of the best experiences of my life.

Learn more about Prince

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I came home last night and cried with my girlfriend because I was sad my best friends left town again to go back home. I felt incredibly open and vulnerable but it wasn’t that scary. She just hugged me and let me get out my emotions.

See more progress on: be vulnerable

Maybe I should ask for advice

I work in a department with about 50 people, perhaps more. My boss, who has now become a very good friend, is the only person I have can relate to on a human level.

But, lately I have really been feeling like I need more friends at work. It would be nice to have people to occasionally have great conversations with or to go to lunch with or even hang out with outside of work. But with the exception of this one extraordinary woman who I am very grateful for, I don’t feel like I can connect with anyone. I don’t feel like I have much in common with anyone. Most of the assistants are younger and seem to be in a place in life I’ve already experienced (lots of alcohol and negativity). Most of the reps and upper management are married with kids or in a place in life I don’t like think I can ever relate to (mostly because I’m a lesbian). Basically, I’m technically in a management position, but I don’t manage any people and I must spend most of my time in my office in the computer. I don’t have any cause or opportunity to really seek out relationships.

I’ve seen The Secret. And my girlfriend thinks I should affirm that the kinds of friends I’m seeking are already here, I just haven’t met them yet, or something. I am aware lately that I’ve been so focused on not having anything in common with anyone here, there’s no one I can relate to here, etc. This is doing nothing to improve my situation. How can I turn around this thinking?

See more progress on: Live The Secret

sad

Good lord I’m sad. I spent the last several weeks feeling so excited for a reunion of what I like to call my soul friends. So Saturday night came and we had an amazing fun, inspiring time. We spent much of Sunday together. Lots of reminiscing. LOTS of laughter. It felt like vacation. I can be be completely myself with them. With the exception of my partner, I haven’t found anyone in the last 5 years that I can relate to like I can these friends. I’ve been looking because I think it would be nice to be able to trust some people the way I trust them. I’m rambling. I haven’t had my coffee yet. As soon as they drove away last night, I started crying. Those whimpering, effortless tears that always catch me by surprise. I’m so sad we don’t all live in the same place anymore. I keep telling myself there is a reason for everything and maybe we don’t know yet why we haven’t ended up in the same place again. Maybe there’s still growing to do. I don’t know. But I’m sad.

See more progress on: cultivate friendships

Decisions

My dad has said he will be happy to help me out (financially) with getting another degree or a higher degree. So I suppose the next step is to decide what I want to do and if I really need to go to school to get it. I know I have a mildly romanticized notion of school. Maybe I just want to go back to that carefree feeling I remember during college. Maybe I actually do want to give myself some direction and some leadership skills that can come from school.

See more progress on: get a masters degree

Habit

I have this habit of only knowing the beginnings of songs ( on guitar). It’s like I make the effort but I have no follow through. I think this has carried over into electronic music production. I have so many ideas loaded with potential. So many beginnings that have yet to evolve into a finished creation. How can I develop the discipline to work with something to completion?

See more progress on: finish a song